Sometimes it's easier to be bitter

In the beginning when I first learned of my diagnosis I kept wondering why me? Then I came to realization and asked myself, why not me? There are so many women, men and children struck with some sort of horrid disease and none of us asked for it, and none of deserve it either. I came to figure it is in Gods plan for each one of us. Since shock wore off and I have come to terms with what it is I need to do to get better, I have surrendered myself to God. I have decided to go ahead and put my life in his hands. What else is there for me to do?
It is so much easier to be bitter. It is so much easier to sit and feel sorry for myself. What do I have to gain from that? NOTHING! So I have surrendered all my bitternes and worries into Gods hands. Am I still scared, well yeah! I have heard a many time it is ok to be scared, but we cannot sit and dwell on the what ifs and whys in this life each and everyone has been gifted to have. We gave been gifted our lives, and we should all give thanks each day for having this life we have, and I do. I thank God I had a father who loved me and my family till I was six. I thank god for giving me a mother who loves me and my sisters and would trade her own life for ours. I thank God for giving me a husband who is loving, patient, and kind. I thank God for the two sisters whom I have grown up and love to this day. I thank God for my three beautiful girls in which I would give my own life for in a heart beat. I thank God for all the people who I know and do not know that have sent their love and prayers my way. There are so many things I thank God for and I could go on and on. As I feel the bitterness try to sneak back in, all I do is think of all the people and things that God has given to me, and I am so very thankful. Thank you God for giving me this wonderful life I have!

Then there were 2

I had my 2nd Chemo session this past Friday. It was also my birthday. What a way to spend a birthday. I am just now starting to feel a little better from it and I get a little more energy every day. I cannot stand to eat right now because everything taste weird or just bad. Cheese is a big thing this time around. It taste very bitter and cannot stand the taste of it. I love cheese, why cheese? The last time around at my 1st Chemo I could not taste salt. It is a little better this time around. I have had a lot of stomach pain and upset too and I cannot almost handle that but all I can do is take my antinausia meds and lay down.
I am having trouble sleeping and nothing I try to do helps. My body is tired and I want to sleep but every single noise from my husband snoring to even my cat snoring keeps me awake. I cannot blame them, they have always done this and did not have a very big problem with it till now. I finally showed my girls my bald head. They just laughed and said it felt funny. I completely understand, it does feel funny and probably looks funny too. I will say I do look forward to when my hair grows back. Not having my hair has been very hard for me.
Everytime I think about Cancer, Chemo, or pimento cheese sandwhiches I get a nausiated sick feeling that I cannot seem to get rid of. Everytime I start to feel sorry for myself I repeat back the words God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I say that everyday and sometimes more than once. So many people have reached out to me and a lot I do not know who are praying for me and my family. They have sent gifts and prayers, and prayer shawles. It has meant so much and cannot thank everyone enough. I see I have been venting a little here, but where else is a better place than to the whole wide world.